A little discretion, please?

Let's start four weeks ago (roughly).

I'm in TJ Maxx with my three kids shopping for nothing. I know, nothing like dragging a 2, 4 and 6 year old around for your me time, right?

Anyway, there I am, headed to the dressing room. 5 items, yes I would like the handicap stall * (after all, if kids aren't a crippling nuisance, what is?), cram all four of us in there, threaten the kids not to move and to please not stare and I finally start to try on some clothes.

Now, I'm not sure if TJ Maxx lighting is universal, but I'll tell this story assuming it is.

I try on shirt number one and turn towards the mirror (I like to take off and put on clothes with my back to the mirror so it's a sort of "reveal" when I turn around). Since I can't see anything if I'm not wearing my glasses I take a couple steps towards the mirror until I'm about 5 inches away.

Staring at the shirt I decide it's not half bad, I'm going to get it. Then I make the dreaded mistake. I look at my face. I look at my face 5 inches away and under TJ Maxx microscopic lighting, no less!

ACK!!!!!!!!!! (channeling Kathy, here)

My face! It's got hair on it! OMG! I just wrote that on my blog!

ACK!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, calm down. It's more like fuzz, but I'm not going to lie, it wasn't all peach colored.

That was enough for me, I was humiliated. How would I walk out of that dressing room!? I will most surely bring shame on my family, the bearded mother!

Next stop, Target. Health and Beauty section, Sally Hansen Waxing kit.

It says it can take care of even the most fine of hair.

Ignoring my 6 year old's questions of 'what is that box for? What's the stuff inside do?' I take my prescription of de-shame home.

Later that evening I show my husband. I tell him while staring at the floor.

"I'm going to go wax my face now."

Husband: "What!? Why?"

"Because I look like a man."

Husband: *makes some sort of silly grunt towards me* "Whatever, I've never noticed."

"Hmph, you weren't at TJ Maxx. Terrible store, btw-I'm never going there again."

Husband: "Ok, well...can I watch?"

STOP EVERYTHING.

This, this is what the whole point of this posting is. (Sorry for the long drawn out back story)

I'm constantly hiding from my husband! I lock the doors when I shave. I hurry through embarrassing parts of my shower in case he decides to "drop in". I ask him if he's going to be using the bathroom any time in the near future before I go #2. I don't burp or fart in front of him and in return I get him asking if he can watch me rip hair out of my face!?

I'll spare you the details, and him the humiliation, but *mostly* he doesn't share my need for discretion.

Honestly, I think most people don't.

Why?

It's not because we're such modern deep feeling people that we don't care about outward appearances, on the contrary! Honestly, I can't really pin down the reason we've all stopped caring.

I only know that I wish we would start again. Keep the romance, the wonderment and the mystery alive.

I want my husband to caress my baby soft skin and not think about how much time goes into it! I don't want him imagining me exfoliating! I don't even do it in front of a mirror!

I'll stop rambling now and just leave you with this. What's wrong with a little secrecy when it comes to delicacy's like these? I say, nothing. I say, shut the door when you poop. I say, keep your burps burried deep and go somewhere other than the dinner table to release that gas.

I say, please, please act like you actually care what people think of you. It's really not as terrible as people make it out to be.





*Disclaimer:

Just in case you were about to browbeat me about the handicapped stall. I never ask for it, the kind dressing room attendants always shuffle me in without questions and I always remember to remind them to tell me to scram if a truly disabled person is waiting. After all, my kids have leashes, I can always tie them to the hydrant outside while I do my shopping.

Faulty bus drivers imitate the collapse of democracy.

Ok, the title may sound a little lot far fetched but hear me out.

My daughter takes the bus. The stop is literally right around the corner from our driveway. However, since the stop is also directly across the street from some evil pit bulls that would like to eat children for early morning breakfast, I drive her and sit in the car to wait for the bus.

Taylor's bus is SUPPOSED to arrive at 7:12. Instead of arriving at (or around) 7:12, it gets there anywhere from 7:06 to 7:15. Normally that would be fine.

When I rode the bus it got there early too. The bus driver used to get there 5 minutes early (in the middle of WY winter -15 degrees with 70 mph blowing snow) and sit there smoking with the doors closed. She wouldn't let us on until the exact time she was scheduled to arrive, I think she derived some sort of sick pleasure watching us freeze. She probably recorded us hopping from one foot to the other, so as not to lose circulation in the biting winds, and watched it with the other crazed drivers on their lunch breaks. Anyway, I digress.

So, Taylor's driver pulls up 6 minutes early BUT then LEAVES the stop if children aren't there. I figured this out the hard way and all year have been getting to the stop 8 minutes early and sitting in the car.

Today, Taylor and I got to the stop at 7:05 and waited. 3 minutes later a little boy got dropped off by his mother. Then we continued to wait. After waiting some more, we waited a few more minutes.

At 7:17 I called the bus garage.

(Me) "Hello, Bus Garage? Yes, when is the bus supposed to get here?"

(Bus Garage ((or B.G. for short))) "Let me check."

*lots of static and I can barely make out him talking to the driver*

(B.G.) "Did you hear that? She said she was there at 7:15."

*I take a deep breath and try to compose myself, while also realizing this means the bus got there more than 7 minutes early*

(Me) "B***S***! THIS WOMAN GETS HERE 6 MINUTES EARLY LIKE CLOCK WORK AND LEAVES CHILDREN ALL THE TIME! I HAVE BEEN HERE SINCE 7:05 AND I'M SICK OF THIS! THERE ARE OTHER CHILDREN WHOSE PARENTS DROPPED THEM OFF, ARE THEY SUPPOSED TO WALK TO SCHOOL!?????????"

(B.G.) "So, would you like me to send another bus?".

(Me) "Yes, thank you. Sorry for yelling."

(B.G.) "No problem, thanks for calling."

After the other bus pulled up to get the kids I drove home and called my friend. I actually called my husband to freak out all over him first (he handles me/talks me away from the edge best) but he must have sensed my rage and didn't pick up (wise man).

So, now that I wasn't heated and in the moment, I debriefed my friend. It all came out, and some legitimate points too!

It comes down to this. It's not just annoying that the bus driver arrives early, it's dangerous and irresponsible. For the working parents who drop their kids off, those children have nowhere to go if the bus doesn't show. There are predators all around us, when the bus driver doesn't come she is leaving our kids in the hands of every passerby. If these children get abducted while walking home (from the stop their parents think they got picked up from) we wouldn't know for at least 8 hours.

I should make a stink, right? I should take this one step beyond calling the B.G. like a lunatic, right?

No, and this is when my title (might) start to make sense. No, because the B.G. doesn't care. Just like anyone else in charge doesn't care. I will call or walk in and make a good argument, while holding back my attack instinct, and the B.G. or congressman will listen and nod his head. They will tell me they agree and can't believe the frustration and stress I'm living with. I will turn and walk out (feeling really good about the prepared statement I just made sound totally off the cuff) and the man in charge will roll their eyes and go about their day.

Call me calloused, call me anti-whatever but at least admit I'm right.

Every single job I have ever worked at does the exact same thing. They make the customer think they're right, they listen to their complaint and tell them they will fix the problem. Then they throw it in the trash. Unless you're poisoning the food, you're not going to get fired from most fast food restaurants.

After rambling on for far too many characters I will surmise.

The biggest man/woman will win the election. It's not who has the best policy, it's who has the most money and the most influence. The boss will (almost) never take you seriously, and the B.G. is not going to deal with this driver.

The best thing I can do is show up 10 minutes early and say thank-you-sir-may-I-have-some-more, because people having a voice (or a vote) is a joke.

In-N-Out Teaching Moment

Today, at In-N-Out, my 6yo daughter asked me why it's wrong to call someone a retard.

I told her people who are mentally retarded cannot help who they are and calling someone a retard makes the negative connotation that it's "wrong" to be handicapped.

Apparently a little boy told her anyone who rides the bus is a retard. I told her to tell him, "Anyone who uses intolerant language isn't worth my time".

This, of course, brought up every other nasty word she hears at school and questions to go along with them. I explained that if she learns now how to love people for who they are, and not what circumstances or preference make them, she will be the kind of person people want to listen to.

When I came home tonight I logged onto facebook. I clicked on "most recent" and a link popped up, "How homosexuals are brainwashing our public school children". Directly under the you tube video was a list of comments: "Label me what you will but this pisses me off, this is just gross, etc...".

My stomach ached. These are adults. These are were my friends.

 .
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I'm actually stuck. I'm sitting at my desk with my forehead on my palm thinking, "How do I verbalize  this feeling?". It just can't be done.

It's telling people interracial marriages aren't allowed, it's a serial number on an arm because you're an inferior race, telling a woman to hold her tongue-this is a man's world, separate water fountains/doors/theaters, taking a turban off of someone's head because it makes other people uncomfortable. Shall I go on? Must I? Are you still so ignorant that you can't tell you're alienating people for NO REASON?

I'm not telling my children which sexual orientation to choose when I ask them not to stare at two women holding hands. I'm showing them love. Love is accepting that people are different and spewing hatred won't change anything.

It hurt to unfriend a few people tonight, but what choice do I have? I politely said my piece and then deleted them. They aren't worth my time, I would rather enrich myself with someone interested in the bigger picture.

Turning life's lemons into...something substantial (not juice because juice isn't, I should know I'm on a flippin' juice diet and I'M HUNGRY)

Ok, last night's post was depressing.

However, it was true and more than a few people have commented back to tell me they feel the same way!

Wow! The reaction I was praying I didn't get was "oh hun, you're beautiful, don't feel bad!". I never expected the response that I did get, which was echoing back my feelings!

So, since so many other people feel the same way as me, let's do something about it! It's so easy to sit and wallow in the depths of despair (my parents will affirm my professional status on wallowing) but it's pretty hard to slap yourself out of it and get to work!

I can tell you that I've been there, I've been there for 2 years now! I started WW two years ago and I'm never going to stop trying to mold my body to it's personal best. You shouldn't either, there's always room for improvement!

Yoga Jon (that's what I call my yoga instructor, he's amazing BTW) said in class yesterday, "Isn't it wonderful to see how far you are from being perfect? It means you'll never run out of things to work on!". He was talking about an exceptionally difficult pose, but it really struck a chord within me. Instead of looking at all the work I have to do, I need to enjoy it. What's the joy in being perfect? Then I have nothing to strive for!

Tell yourself you're going to do better today, and then DO BETTER.

Whenever I have a craving for something unhealthy or a desire to sit out my exercise routine I ask myself, "Will I be happy in the morning?", the answer is always no and most of the time that's enough to get my mind back in game.

One day is so short, but 7 make a week and 3 weeks is almost a full month! Do you want to look back 3 short weeks from now and be unhappy with your choices?

I may not have the answers for perfect mental clarity about my body image issues, but I can keep myself healthy and continue to strive for perfection. At least I'll always have something to keep me busy, since perfect me is so far off :^)

Who was that girl?

Do you ever look at pictures of yourself and ponder, "What was I thinking, wearing those hot-pants!?" or "Why did they allow cameras in Las Vegas!?"?

Well, I had a different experience tonight, one that made me take a sober look inside myself.

I started clicking through my Facebook profile pictures. They're in chronological order, so from the moment I put my first profile picture up, until today's...they're all there. You would have to be lying to say you couldn't notice a HUGE change in my body. Those pictures range from when I was at my heaviest (+85 lbs ago) to today.

Normally that would be cause for celebration, right? I've lost so much weight! I'm thin! I run races!

That's not at all what was barreling through my head.

"Who is that girl?"

"How did I not know how unhealthy I was?"

"No wonder I wasn't happy."

Obviously I have a lot of issues to work through. Self loathing is one of them. I have never liked myself. I always told myself, "If I just lose this weight- if I just make it through school- after we're married", well it's all come and gone and I'm still feeling this way.

I feel healthier than I ever have in my entire life. Why am I still such a disappointment to me?

The answer? ...

I have no idea.

21 days of "Clean" eating

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH!

Ok, I just had to get that out. I started a cleanse today. I'm following a program out of the book "Clean" by Alejandro Junger.

Now, bearing in mind that I'm in no mood to discuss anything because I'm having a really hard time not jumping out of my skin, you can decide weather or not you want to take the intrepid journey into my world right now.

I really can't be bothered to go into depth or explain anything as this moment. Suffice it to say, my body is going through withdrawals and I'm not handling it with much grace.

Thank dear baby Jesus that my husband is doing this with me and therefore understands every time I try to bite his head off.

I'm retracting my last statement. He's sitting in the room teasing me now. He likes irritable Chelsa. He appreciates a strong woman!

So, my plan of attack is to check in tomorrow and make some sense of this rambling. I'll explain what I'm doing, how I'm doing it, why...etc.

For now. I'm going to go drink hot tea, my husband has strict orders not to speak to me and I will be watching a movie for the next 2 hours while I pretend my stomach isn't going to eat itself.

Happy evening to you too!

Growing Paynes

My heart is breaking today.

Even as I type it these words seem ridiculous and impossible. How am I a mother to such a beautiful young girl?

I don't idolize motherhood, I'm the first to admit I'm not very good at it, but I do cherish the moments I have with my kids.

I love them with all my heart and I make sure they know that every day.

The seemingly innocuous act of nuzzling "I love you" into my 1 year old's ear. Running my fingers through my 4 year old's hair while she's falling asleep. Holding my 5 year old's face in my hands as I stare into her eyes and see my soul.

These people have reached into my depths and formed me into someone I don't recognize. I love three small people more than I will ever love myself or anyone else.

Why hello there, old friend!

It's been too long.

I'm going to do better, and that's all I'm going to say about that.

I'm not working anymore. Jeff has a splendiferous job that allows me to stay home and pursue my passions, or at least keep the house a *little* cleaner.

I have a few things going on. I am shooting a wedding in a week and a half, then I have an event later in the month that I have to be tight lipped about until it happens.

I'm on the planning committee for Paradise Praise Fest 2010, which is a local Christian music festival that involves all the churches in our small town uniting to make beautiful music and set aside our differences!

I'm really excited about this, very very very excited!!!
I just got back from doing a photo shoot for the promotional pictures we're going to use.

What you do think!???




And then there's this one (a personal favorite):



Lastly, my 100% most loved shot of the day...



Isn't she gorgeous!? I love her hands...

So anyway, I got some great shots and she was a trooper. She walked all over the lava rock in 100 degree heat with no shoes on. Well, I let her put her shoes on for the last one, that would hurt too badly to jump with no shoes!

*proving I have some semblance of empathy*

What else?Phew, there's been a lot! Ok...here goes.

We visited grandma Jewy (Judy...but that's how the kids pronounce her name and it's fitting since, well, she's a heeb):



I'm now down 76 big lbs!!! -4 to go until goal weight!!!




And planted our garden!



That's all from our simple life, how's yours?

First day with my Cannon 7D

It was a tumultuous one, but ended peacefully.

I had a bothersome episode at work, followed by a disappointing meeting. The meeting made me late for my first lesson on how to use my camera to it's full advantage and by the time I got there, I was out of sorts-to say the least.

Anyway, I got over myself and learned a lot. Afterward, I went to my favorite park and started to practice.



It's starting to feel like summer here. The warmth of the sun is bringing people out to swim at one mile. Kids are splashing and dogs are sunning themselves next to their owners who lay sleepily in the grass, soaking in the beauty of the season. This picture really speaks to me. It speaks, "SWIM", unfortunately I didn't have a suit, and wasn't about to get naked.

____________________________


After that I went to one of my favorite bridges. It's on honey run road, what a fabulous name.





I adore this bridge. I pulled my aching feet from my work heels that make me tower around 6'1" and let the old planks work their magic. I felt 10 again. I remember running to a friends house in the middle of the day and not bothering with shoes. Flying out the door and hearing the screen slam behind me. Sweating while I read a book on the lawn and listened to the drone of a single engine plane.

____________________________


Lastly. I seemed to be feeling patriotic. This is quite uncharacteristic for me. Not because I hate the USA, quite the opposite. I love my country, I despise the hoards of people who dictate it. Never the less, while I was taking a picture of a flower I heard a noise up above. When I looked to see what was making the clanking sound, I squinted up to see my nation's flag waving beautifully in the wind, the chain clinking against the rusty pole.





Those were a few of my favorite shots from today. I'm leaving for Fort Bragg tomorrow. I'm hoping to get some amazing pictures of my fabulous state. I'm so lucky to live in such beautiful country, I find myself awestruck at the complexity of the landscape around me daily. California has something to offer everyone, as long as SoCal keeps to itself ;^)

Farewell for the evening.

The TRAGEDY in Hati

Yes, TRAGEDY, because it's as simple as that.

Pat Robertson was (rightly so, IMO) widely criticized for his remarks on the impoverished nation. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/01/13/pat-robertson-haiti-curse_n_422099.html

As a Christian, I am mortified. This kind of person is why Christianity is looked down upon as a holier than thou / fake / hippocratic religion.

I want no part of that man. DO NOT associate me with him or his "followers". His fleet of televangelist viewers who tune in daily, nightly, weekly for his words of wisdom. People that send in money, send in checks to keep him on air and in his "Sunday best", 7 days a week.

I am disgusted, I venture a guess that God is disgusted as well.

I fully believe that this earthquake was an anomaly. God made the earth, He made it to be an alive, powerful living creature. Living things shift and morph, they conform-implode-explode. God did not look down from heaven thinking, "Time to teach these poor bastards a lesson". Instead, when the tragedy happened, He lit a flame in the heart of *every* Christian to go and help. To bring water and supplies and the good news of the LOVE of Jesus Christ.

Long ago, God sent a devastating flood. It buried the earth and everything that wasn't safe on the ark, was destroyed. God was angry, plain and simple. However, He SWORE to never get *that* angry again.

****"To me, this is like the days of Noah, when I swore that the waters of Noah would never cover the earth again. So I have sworn not to be angry with you, never to rebuke you again. Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed," says the Lord, who has compassion on you."*** Isa 54:9,10

When God makes a covenant, He honors it. I believe with all my heart that He has not caused this disaster.

And you! You who say yes, you who would side with the charlatan (Rob P.)- you had better sleep with one eye open. I dare to say that you have not been perfect, and if it's as you believe, than God will be coming for His reckoning soon.

Going Green

I really loathe that phrase.

It's so chic. It's so, "it", these days.

But, unfortunately, I have done just that. Gone green. Or at least I'm headed in the general "green" direction.

We stopped using paper products (plates, cups, napkins, paper towels) about 9 months ago. We only do laundry on cold settings. We recycle. I've replaced our toothbrushes with toothbrushes with replaceable heads. Cloth diapers. Etc...

It's all these very small, seemingly futile steps that (if done city/state/country wide) give huge results.

I've felt particularly responsible for the earth since I've had children. This is their inheritance, and I'm mucking it up for them. When I die, the earth doesn't cease, what a selfish thought! I need to leave something beautiful behind for the generations that I created.

I'll probably start reviewing "green" products and showing you how I'm changing my world a bit at a time (and how EASY it is for you to do it as well!). I hope you enjoy this new change.

2010, the year of the green monster. Hmmmmm...maybe not.

Ok, 2010-YEAR OF THE GREEN SWEEP!

Just Barely Enough

She liked to lay in the grass when it was damp. Not so damp that when you get up your underwear would show through your white dress, just damp enough. Just enough that you felt a little sweaty. A little sticky. A little out of sorts.

Melinda's round body rolled over and her eyes met the dirt. Tiny bugs mucking through the thick brush of the lawn, desperate to get back home before the weight of her hand lifting herself up crushed them.

She pushed off her palms and walked her feet up to a standing position, her dress got caught under her toes.

"Stink", she mumbled.

Now her dress was muddy.

She wiped her hands on the dew of the grass and tried to wipe of the stains.

"Oh well, guess I deserved it". She was always saying that. Ok, maybe not always, but she was thinking it.

"I do, after all", she thought, "I do deserve it".

As she walked towards the school building she heard the bell ring. Lunch was over and class would be starting in three and a half minutes. She wanted to run, but knew that her lumpy thighs would just eat at her skirt until it had wedged itself so high up in her legs she would be picking at it in front of everyone.

"Whatever, I dare her to be mad at me", she muttered.

But, in her head she knew that she didn't have the gall for that attitude. Didn't have the gumption it took to say something like that to a snotty teacher who marked you tardy for walking in 23 seconds late. Even worse, when she got there she would have to find a seat.

"Perfect, just perfect".

Melinda reached the doors to the south entry of the school. She trotted a little at the end, you know, to give the illusion that she had been running the whole way. As she pulled open the doors she knew.

She knew this moment reflected every other moment she would ever have.

She would always be late.

Always out of breath.

Always thinking something brave but never speaking it into existence.

Well it's been long enough!

I just got my computer back.

I had to pry it from the clutches of Geek Squad. After a reasonable amount of time to fix the computer I called to check on it...

It hadn't even been looked at.

So then I waited 3 more weeks.

Now it's safely back home.

I'm so out of practice with my writing that I don't know where to start.

I don't know that I'm a very good writer, I can't say I'm gifted or even interesting to read. I have one thing going for me though, I'm transparent. If nothing else, when I can't quite verbalize what I wish I could, I can always write it.

I love writing. It calms me down and almost gives the illusion of deflating. I feel like a balloon that gets blown up little by little all day.

Alarm rings: big LONG breath.

Daughter wakes up with, "Mommy, I peed the bed": two breaths in one.

Before I know it it's bed time and I feel so full and exhausted it's all I can do to keep my eyes open and make my fingers linger over the keys long enough to type something relatable. But then I start, and it all just

pours

out.

My mind gets smaller and smaller, when I'm done I really do feel.

D-O-N-E.

I have nothing left to write.

That's when I close my laptop, turn off the computer, and go to sleep without one single stressful thought running through my head.

So, I'm sorry if this blog seems more like the ramblings of an over worked mommy. I guess it is, but how will I ever write the one or two great posts in between all the crazies if I can't get those extra thoughts out of my head?

Goodnight.

Yelling at God.

My surroundings do not reflect my state of mind.

When I'm at peace and things are going smoothly, many times that's when my house/car/family is slightly disheveled and messy!

Right now...my house is perfectly squared away.

I can't think without my heart racing. I can't close my eyes without seeing bills that need to be paid, people that need to be called, appointments that need to be made. The list goes on and on.

On the other hand. I feel closer to God than I have in a great while. Ever since we found out we were moving, I've had an overwhelming sense of peace about it. Jeff quit his job in TX, we found and secured renters after we gave our notice, we even packed everything...but we didn't have any money to move! We couldn't afford a moving van, nothing! I just kept hearing God's still small voice telling me that He had a plan, this would work out. I felt tremendous peace. Of course, we sold the truck the day before we were supposed to go pick up our moving van and moved 2 days later.

This whole journey to CA from TX has been a leap of faith. Every day I feel my panic creeping up on me and then when I stop letting my thoughts crowd my head and just cry out to Jesus...

I feel peace.

Yesterday I hit my breaking point. Taylor needs a check up and her shots before we can even register her for Kindergarten. We don't have insurance, and can't afford the doctor's visit. I was standing in my kitchen and I just started to cry.

"Jesus, WHY!?" I sobbed.

"Why do You make it so hard to trust You!?"

I heard Him tell me to get down on my knees. I did it. I felt a burden lift from my soul. Nothing miraculous happened when I knelt down, but I think He just wanted me to prostrate myself and stop trying to do everything for Him.

So. This is a new chapter in my life. I'm going to be the woman He wants me to be. I'm going to trust Him. When I don't feel like I can, I'll lay myself at His feet and tell Him so. I strongly believe in coming to God as you are, telling Him EXACTLY what you're thinking and feeling. He knows our thoughts, so why try to be polite when it's not how we feel!?

Go to Him. Tell Him how you feel.

Do it now.

Long.

Do you ever feel so overwhelmed that you just...

shut

down?

I'm dealing with that right now. I've got a thousand and one things on my plate, plus 3 kids. I desperately want to type out something meaningful right now, but the only thing I can think about is the ice cream that is calling my name (for the 4th time today) and renting a movie via the internet.

Oh a happier note. I bought a month long tanning pass last month (it expires two days after I move), and I'm looking pretty darn toasty. I've decided I'm addicted to looking a normal shade. I'm so over the pale olive skin that my Jewish ancestors so lovingly bestowed upon me.

Here...this is me...and my baby who has the EXACT same skin color as I used to.



Ok. Now that I've rambled sufficiently. I'm ready to post an outfit from the weekend.



LOVE the "twisted" effect of the whole shirt.

I'm starting to realize (along with many other shortcomings) my outfits lack "flair". It's hard for me to really warm to the idea of neck ware or bracelets, since I have kids and that stuff would get in the way. Plus, anyone who knows me for a second knows how much I hate wearing anything more than I have to!

So, I guess that's my mission. To make my outfits more saucy with trinkets.

Or I could just get a few well placed tattoos.

Weight loss and fashion!

That's what kind of blog this is. I hope one day (soon) it will only have to be a fashion blog!

So, drum roll please, I'VE LOST 40 LBS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I weighed in today and have hit my -40lbs !!!!!!!!!!

Praise thee Weight Watchers.

Comfort clothes.

There's a slight difference between comfortable clothing and comfort clothes. Comfortable clothes, you can wear in public. You're not embarrassed to go get the mail in them. You don't put a pillow over your lap when someone tries to take a picture. Allow me to endulge my point.

Exhibit A:


Ok. She's obviously comfortable, but she's also quite stylish! I wouldn't mind wearing this outfit out for a day of shopping, or even to a playdate. Love the shoes, BTW.

Exhibit B:

Let me introduce you all to my snowglobe shorts. Notice the frayed hem, yes, they were not always shorts. These have seen me through 3 babies and 5 Christmas's. I'm sad to say, that my shrinking waist line is going to make them (very soon) impossible to wear. My husband was pretty excited when I showed him how baggy they're getting (he hates these shorts) but I assured him that I would just pin them when the time comes ;^)

You see, very much like food, the right pair of shorts, or that perfectly worn sweatshirt, can make you feel good when everything is tumbling around. It's like a security blanket, I put these shorts on, and I feel pretty, and relaxed. Please don't ask me why I feel pretty in these horrible things, but I do. They remind me of good memories and (secretly) I like to look at all the different snowglobes.

That's all for tonight. I'm going to go turn in and enjoy my slumber in the best shorts ever. May they bring me good dreams...

and warm buns.

I love:

• taking a huge, deep/filling my lungs 'till they want to burst, breath in and then letting it whoosh out.


• waking up to a bright room full of sunlight.


• waking up with my husband next to me.


• waking up while my kids are still asleep :^)


• tan lines.


• taking naps in the sunshine. I don't care where that sunshine is, I will sleep in it. On the beach, at the park, pretty much anywhere with some warm rays to wrap me in.


• swimming on 110 degree days.


• trying new vegetables.


• trying new cuisine.


• when I hit that *perfect* note where it sounds like my voice wraps all around me, in and out my ears, and floods my throat.


• wireless internet!


• traveling


• new clothes that I have to buy regulary because I'm losing weight :^)


• typing with my eyes closed (mentioned in PP).


• quilts on cold days.


• visiting the snow.
  
• old movies.


• clean bathrooms.


• the feeling of belonging.


• being home.


• long drives through the country with the window down and my hand wind surfing while my hair blows itself messy.


• the look on my husband's face when he meets our child for the first time (got to see that 3 times, I'm so lucky).

A splash of color

I'm truly in love with color this summer. Last summer I was into browns and tan. I don't know why, but it was all decidedly boring.

Not this summer! I've been stocking up on bright colors, green, blue, white. These colors make me feel happy and confident. I think it's because a lot of people wouldn' normally wear attention grabbing hues.

Now, I'm still overweight, so I can't buy all the great vintage clothes that I would love to have. However, Old Navy is my happy place and I go regularly. This is a new purchase, got it on sale, it was only $5.00 :^)





Also, ladies, this season is not about how much boobage you can show. I myself, being a *ahem* well endowed girl, know how hard it is to find shirts that don't give everyone a peep show.
However, it's easy enough to pair your tank with an undershirt, and it's not going to make you hot.




So, keep the girls private and flaunt those bright colors! Summer's here!!!!!!

It's been too long.

Far too long for my taste.

My stupid camera didn't want to upload any pictures. Any normal person would have just blogged about something else and followed up on the picture idea when the camera was in use again.

Not I.

I've been so upset by the fact that I can't show off my newest purchase that I had been in full blown anti-blogging protest.

Well, now that that stupid explanation is over, allow me to share this with you.





It's my summer purse. I love large bags, I'm a tall woman, I have big feet, it's not unreasonable that I like over sized accessories.

Also, it was $2 and that made me so divinely happy I just couldn't leave it there to go to a lesser (shorter) person.

Have a wonderful week, and check back soon. I ordered some items that should be here any day. If my camera is working, I'll share them with you!