Friday, May 29, 2009
I think I'm discovering more of myself through raising my third child.
I remember when my first daughter was born. I was so eager for her to do everything first. Quick! I was so proud that she got her first tooth at 1 month, I had her eating baby cereal by three months, I was pretty upset when she didn't sit up/stand/walk before her cousin (who's 1 day older). I can't believe how obsessed I was.
When baby #2 came along I was a lot more laid back, but she did everything much sooner than #1 and I remember feeling a little sad that she wasn't "little" for long. I was thrilled that she waited to get teeth 'till 6 months, giving her that baby look for a short while longer. I truly did cherish my time with her. However, having a second child doesn't mean you're an expert and comfortable with the game, I still lost my temper with both the girls and had moments that I wish I could do over.
Now I have #3. It's so different. I just can't describe the feeling to a first time mom, she wouldn't understand it. Every time he moves a little more I want to cry, he's growing up. Every time I watch his eyes discover something new all I can think is, there goes a little bit more of his baby mind, forming into an intelligent being. I'm not eager for him to reach milestones. I still hold his bottle (he's 7 months old) when I feed him, I'm never going to get to do that again...so why push him to do it now? I am thrilled the teething is coming along so well, but I wish so badly to see those untouched gums smiling at mommy again. Every time he lays his head on my chest I think, this is one less time he'll do this.
Having a boy is so much different than a girl. Girls will hold your hand when they're a teenager, they'll still kiss you on the lips when you drop them off for college, you're still going to be "Momma, Mommy, Mum". A boy grows into a man and you HAVE to let him go or you'll make him into one of "those" guys that can't have a normal relationship with his wife because he's unusually attached to his mother. I thank the Lord every day for my mother in law. She managed to mold my husband into a caring and respectful adult/husband/father and he still loves her so very much.
Sometimes when I'm looking at Jeff and Jeffrey together I think about Margie (MIL) and what she must have felt, watching her little man grow up. Thank you so much Margie, for letting him grow.
As I watch my little guy sleep I'm taking in every breath, every whimper, every smell, because soon it will be gone, and I want to remember it for all it was. Pure and perfect.
New mom's, don't be eager for you kids to get bigger. Don't constantly think about what milestone she/he'll hit next. It's not important when they'll start chewing solid foods or standing without holding onto your fingers. One day they won't need your fingers for balance, and they'll enter a world that you're not apart of. All you'll have left are the memories of when they were small...and you were their world.